Beyond words

Well, here I am again I am pretty overwhelmed right now I miss being on the mission field so deeply it goes beyond words. I keep remebering the days I spent learning third world stats when in Boise in which I cried more tears then I have ever cried and proably ever will. Then my five months in Manila keep flashing into my memory. I know what it is like there the pain that all the people in third worlds go through and I ache with such a deep aching to be able to ease their agony. I know I will end up a missionary someday and I have to wait for my Abba's timing but I do nto have the patience to wait right now. I know and have shared in the pain they feel and I feel like I am letting them down by not helping them now that I know their pain and have felt it myself. I feel like I have let them down. This is why leaving Manila was so difficult not because I was not finishing the program which was hard but that I was leaving the women I loved and cared for the ones I had shared in their pain and in their joys. I was there when they found out they were pregant and I never got to be there to support them in their labor and birth. Even though my time in Manila was very difficult I would go back in a heart beat what I did there is what I live for, to help hurting people. I miss it so deeply. I cannot explain it in words it goes beyond their ability to explain. I want people to understand the pain that the people in third world countries go through. I am so blessed here in the US. I pray every day that I will nto take anything I have for granted I am truly blessed. I have been without and I know what it is to have plently but I know that the secret to being content in whatever situation or circumstance is to lean upon my Abba. He will never let me down. He is the one who will always sustain me.